Why You Should Never Date a Man for More than a Year

I feel hypocritical writing this because I have been guilty of the things I’m about to write. The longest (unmarried) relationship I have ever been in was four years. However, I entered the relationship in my late teens. Now that I am older and wiser, my heart bleeds when I see women wasting their youth and beauty on a man who is just towing them around.

Over a week ago, I came across a heartbreaking video on facebook. A young lady was sharing her story of how she wasted 9 years of her life with a guy who would not commit. Mind you, they had a child together.(another post on this to come) and after giving him an ultimatum to make an “honest ” woman of her and their child, he decided--he wasn’t ready.

So…. they broke up.

Like most women, she was expecting the guy to ponder on things and realize just how important she had been in his life. After all, they’d had a stable 9-year relationship and a child to bind them. As the saying goes:“ better the devil you know” and quite honestly, there was no reason for him to give up nearly a decade of love and loyalty. The ultimatum was supposed to be just a “wake up call” and to get him to “man” up. She was certain he would be back on his knees--preferably with a ring in his hands.

 Let’s just say that never happened and to add salt to injury--he met another woman and married her 5 months later……

The video was hard to watch because she was still hurting but trying to mask her pain by convincing herself that, God had put her through that situation for a greater purpose. The comments below the video were equally disturbing as many believe she had dodged a bullet, and because Karma is a female dog, the guy was going to get his a*s chewed up someday. WRONG

Let me start by saying, God gave you a brain for a reason. To think, to analyze, to judge a situation, to make sound decisions.......God did not “allow” her to go through this to prove or to show her anything. She ended up in this situation because she did not use her brain. That, or her mother didn’t teach her well(but most likely, she just wouldn't listen to her).

First--It’s time to know that if you do not heed to the natural order of things that control the dynamics of the male-female relationship, you will continue to make the same silly mistakes over and over again—all while fasting and praying… and it’s not gonna be God’s fault.

Second—understand that while Karma may, indeed be a b*tch……she’s not a “bad b*tch”. Your ex might have wasted your whole life and left you as a single parent—but you allowed him to do that and, there is a high possibility, he will move on, find love and live life happily ever after.  I promise you, I am not trying to be mean or unsympathetic, and as mentioned, I have been in this situation before but being honest, and taking accountability for the things we allow to happen to us stops us from repeating the same mistakes.

Remember, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome is the perfect example of insanity.

With the title of this article, many of you may argue that you can’t fully know someone enough within a year to lead to marriage but Let me just put this out there YOU WILL NEVER FULLY KNOW A PERSON “ENOUGH” UNTIL YOU HAVE ENTERED INTO A LEGALLY COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP AND LIVING TOGETHER.  I say “legally” because, within cohabitating relationships, people can still be tip-toeing around each other with the hopes of putting out the best version of themselves. Additionally, courting for 3-4 years when you are 16 is not the same when you are in your 20’s or 30’s or 40’s. In fact, long term dating is not something I would encourage women to get into at all because it serves us NO ADVANTAGE.

Let me explain:

 I believe that long term dating goes against what nature intended for women--and all the signs are there to caution us against such relationships. The most cautionary of these signs involves the nature in which men and women invest differently in relationships.

Women Invest time, Men invest resources

Men seek beauty and youth while women seek money and power.

This is not necessarily because men are shallow or women are “gold diggers”. Immortality is what man craves and the closest he can ever get to that is by passing his genes via offspring. This is why men gravitate towards women they are sexually attracted to (beauty) and with whom breeding is possible (youth). It can be viewed as a simple “mathematical” equation: 

Beauty= sex + youth= immortality (aka children, their legacy, the carriers of their bloodline)

Listen--Beauty and youth IN MEN has no social value because it has little bearing on the creation process. There is no correlation between a man’s looks and youth to his fertility because in general, the fertility of a man is not limited by time/age. Because of this-- women gravitate towards men who are financially secure and powerful. Money + power = better chances of a woman and her children being provided for, and protected--this is hardwired into women’s psyche due to the patriarchal nature of our society.

Nowadays with women entering the workforce and achieving the means to cater for themselves and any progeny they may have, the argument is usually that, they do not “need” men who are financially secure. Nevertheless, a woman's “net worth” is of little value to most alpha males. Beauty and youth will always triumph when it comes to dating/marriage. Being financially independent as a woman has its advantages but it does not flip the coin on these relationship dynamics. As such, long term dating favors men because it allows them to enjoy the beauty and youth of a woman without compensating for it by offering her a relationship that provides her and any future children with legal, financial and social protection (marriage is not just a “piece of paper”….dont fall for that).

For a man, a long term relationship gives him time to work on himself and raise his bargaining power (money ) while diminishing hers (beauty +youth). Such relationships provide men with the emotional environment to thrive while elevating their status as eligible men. A man who comes out of a 9-year (uncommitted) relationship is not viewed as being “used and dumped”, he is seen as a man not afraid of long term commitment—right?

Unfortunately, youth and beauty are fleeting, and with time, nature takes away what it gives to women as a bargaining power so while a woman is busy “holding” onto the prospect of a long-term relationship, the price of her youth is diminishing by the day and that famous clock of hers is tick-tocking away…. Men, on the other hand, have nothing, and I mean absolutely NOTHING to lose in a long term “uncommitted” relationship. They are not invested in such relationships because time means nothing to them. This is why a man can easily walk away from a 9-year relationship on a whim and feel nothing about it.

The lesson here is that unless a man has invested TANGIBLE resources ie Pays BILLS, Mortgage, Cars, Tuition, Insurance, etc, then the period of time he has invested in the relationship has littleto no effect on him. That's just the way they are and this is also one of the reasons why divorce is seldom initiated by men (too much to lose)  and they hate the idea of paying alimony after a divorce.

In addition, Women are notorious for getting too emotionally invested in relationships. The more time is devoted to it--the deeper the emotional attachment! As a result, women are naturally unable to keep their options open especially while in a long term relationship and the failure of such a relationship can do a number on a woman’s psyche leading to self-esteem issues.

In summation--If you have been dating a man for 1+ years, both of you are not in your teens, and there are is little to no discussions about marriage, then it’s time you reevaluated your position in his life. (and please be aware that men who keep you in long term engagements “waiting for the right time” are just as bad )

Any comments—please leave below:

Eyelash Extension and Allergies

Eyelash Extensions

Getting eyelash extensions can be intimidating to a lot of people. “You’re going to GLUE things to my EYE?” There’s something so vulnerable about laying in a bed or chair with your eyes closed while a technician slowly glues lash extensions to your eyelashes. Yet the results are gorgeous! Eyelash extensions might sound a little scary or high-maintenance, but actually they are very simple, very safe and a very easy way to get some huge wow factor into your look (while actually making your daily routine faster and easier and saving you time!). Eyelash extensions are great for almost anyone and everyone, even people with sparse or fine lashes. Whether you’re looking for a very natural look, or a glamorous look, both can easily be achieved with eyelash extensions.

Eyelash Extension Allergies

Some people worry about things going wrong with their eyelash extensions. One of the common worries people have is that they will be allergic to the lashes or the glue. Sometimes in the spring or fall people will report back to their lash technicians that they are allergic to the lashes or glue - they’re experiencing tenderness, irritation and/or swelling. This can even happen to people who have eyelash extensions and have never had an allergic reaction.

This can be scary, especially since most people assume it was the lashes or glue which caused the sensitivity. But actually that is almost never the case! Both the lashes and the glue used by any qualified technician have been carefully designed and tested by scientists and beauticians alike to ensure that even sensitive skin types will not be irritated or affected.  Before you have any lash technician apply lashes, be sure to ask them whether any of their products contain latex or formaldehyde, which are used in some glues and can be causes of reactions or irritations.  As long as they are free of those ingredients, you will be good to go!

So, Is It Lashes or Other Allergies?

If you are experiencing a sensitive reaction to eyelash extensions, the chances are you’re just actually suffering from seasonal allergies! In the fall many people become sensitive to ragweed, and in the spring it’s the blooming pollen in the air. Even if the symptoms seem directly tied to your eyelash extensions, it’s usually just a by-product of a compromised immune system. Your immune system is in overdrive, working incredibly hard to fight against sickness, weakness and the allergens in the air due to the season. You may experience puffiness, redness, irritation and sensitivity - but it likely isn’t your eyelash extensions - it’s your seasonal allergies!

What can you do?

The best way is to attack the cause - seasonal allergies. Here are few steps you can take:

  • Take your preferred antihistamine
  • Calm the irritated areas with cool water and cortisol creams
  • Avoid going outdoors if at all possible
  • Resist the urge to rub your eyes or pick at your lashes

This will only increase the sensitivity and may even cause irreparable damage to your extensions and natural lashes.

  • Lay still with a cold washcloth over your eyes until the irritation subsides
  • Use a soothing, oil-free cream to calm angry eyelids
  • See your lash technician if you truly believe that the eyelashes or the way they’re adhered is a problem

Basically what I'm saying is - you’re safe! Eyelash extensions are hypoallergenic (especially high quality products), scientifically tested and very safe to be on and near your eyes. If you are experiencing irritation or allergy symptoms don’t panic!  Try taking an antihistamine and rinsing your face; you should be fine. If problems persist or you are especially concerned, contact your eyelash artist.

So Many Questions....

When you’re thinking about getting lash extensions you may have lots of questions, for example, 'will they suit me?', 'how long do they last?', 'should I get Classic Individuals or Russian Volume?'. Honestly…..the first question you should ask yourself is 'who should I go to?'

There are so many different brands of eyelash extensions on the market and you may have heard of only the more high profile brands. I'm here to tell you that just because a lash technician has been trained by a reputable brand—that doesn't make her a reputable technician.

Training to be a Lash Technician is like learning to drive a car. You practice, take the test and pass but after all of that, do you really know how to drive?  Of course you know the basics and the rules and regulations but it’s not until you've been out on the road for awhile that you really start to find your way and feel more confident and, just as there are good and bad drivers on the road--there are also good and bad Lash Technicians. Some stick to the rules, some will go on to complete advanced courses in lash artistry and, some will watch a youtube video.... picking up bad habits and taking shortcuts. There are even some who decided that "it looks easy enough" and have NEVER had any training at all!

 

When choosing a Lash Technician there are a few things you should consider:

 

  • How reputable is she? Does she have a social media presence or website?

 The majority of people now have some form of social platform-- whether Facebook, Twitter, Linked In or Instagram—there should be something! Check out your potential Lash Technician's Facebook page for example, 'how often do they post?' check for a yelp page-- 'do they have any reviews?', 'What do their reviews say about them?'

 

  • Can you see their work?

 A good way of ascertaining the competence of a Lash Technician is to look at their before and after pictures. Ask yourself 'what does their work look like?', 'Would I be happy with the results on display?'. You might not know what you're looking for so I'll give you a few pointers. If the answer to all of the below is yes then you're on the right track

◦Are all the lashes facing in the same direction?

◦Do they look evenly spaced?

◦Are the glue bonds minimal and close to the lash line?

 

  • Have any of your friends been to this Lash Technician?

 Friend recommendations is by far the best way to find out how good a Lash Technician is, other than trying it out for yourself. You can actually see the result up close and personal and ask your friend for feedback on their experience

 

  • Did you speak to the Lash Technician?

 You should have a full consultation so they know what you want to achieve, whether you’re looking for length, thickness, more volume, etc. They should be able to advise you on thickness, curls, lash styles and what would suit you best

 

  • Are they qualified?

 Certificates are issued after successful completion of training and case studies. Ask to see their certificates and insurance as ALL reputable Lash Technicians will be able to provide these documents.

 

  • Lastly and most importantly always trust your gut instinct. If you’re not sure or you have any reservations at all--walk away

 

I hope you've found this useful and may even be considering 3D Volume Lash & Brow Studio.. If that's the case, please call with any questions or click the "book appointment button" to schedule your appointment.

Lots of Lashes

Traci

Eyelash Extensions and Seasonal Hair Loss

 In autumn and spring most humans experience an increase in hair loss more than usual. For most people Seasonal Shedding starts September/October/November or March/April/May.

Everything on earth from plants to household pets, has a season where they all shed more than usual. Trees shed their leaves while pets their fur. Same thing happens to humans. This is due to a combination of biological changes that take place mostly in the environment that affect our internal body response--things like changes in the intensity of exposure to daily sunlight and more. Unfortunately, eyelashes are hair and they shed.

During a normal lash cycle the average person has between 90 - 120 lashes per eye (upper lid). Most, if not all eyelashes are "lashed" during a full set.

Since each eye sheds between 2 - 5 lashes each per day, lets average the loss at 3 per day. Observe the following:

In one week, you will lose about 21 lashes (per eye)

In two weeks, you will have lost about 42 lashes (per eye)

In three weeks, you will have lost about 63 lashes (per eye)

Remind yourself to be prepared for seasonal hair loss which is a natural process,--a function that takes place according to your body's internal clock.

There is nothing you can do about the loss of lashes but some savvy lash clients opt for Volume Lash Extensions during this time. Volume lashes provide 2 - 9 lashes for each individual natural eyelash so even when they're being affected by "seasonal hair loss" their lash line still looks full.

 

When should girls be allowed to get their eyebrows waxed?

Ok just to specify, I'm moreso talking about girls with shapeless, less than 'feminine' looking eyebrows.

I sometimes see girls around the pre-teen age with huge thick eyebrows and it makes me think of my own daughter when she was about that age.

She had such a little face......and this huge....dark.... "unibrow". She asked me to do them for her several times but I wanted her to wait until High School so I always said "no".

I never really thought about it until one day (she was still in Jr. High School) she asked me to "do her brows"....I started with the old "you're too young........" but she confided in me that the boys in school had begun referring to her as "Oscar The Grouch".....

I did her eyebrows.

I think the pre-teen years are pretty important in regards to shaping a young girl's self-esteem.  Low Self-Esteem can lead to so many negative actions--and I won't get into that here but I didn't want my daughter to begin her journey into womanhood with the feeling that there was something wrong with her.

Teasing a young girl's appearance can strike at the core of who she is.

I did her brows because I wanted to eliminate (as best I could) anything that could potentially hinder her chance at becoming the best she could be. If having a "unibrow" could in anyway set her up for failure, I wanted to remove that stumbling block because that was something that I definitely had control over.  So....I did her brows and she was 13.

I think she turned out pretty good.

How to Make Your Lash Extensions Last

Okay...so you laid there catatonically still for about an hour and a half, you shelled out over $100 and now, finally, you have the fabulous lashes that you've dreamed of.

But unless you're Beyonce and can afford to get them replaced on the regular, you now need for them to last for as long as is humanly possible – which means there are a few maintenance rules you’ll need to follow.

1. Prepare for your appointments appropriately:

Do not wear eye makeup to your appointment....I can't stress this enough. “Come to your appointment without any eye make-up on. While your lash stylist may be willing to clean [your lashes] for you,  if you arrive with a thick coating of mascara it may be impossible to completely remove the residue. Makeup residue creates a barrier between the bond and the natural lash, which means the extension won’t bond as effectively. As a consequence, extensions can come off prematurely

2. Pay attention!

When your lash stylist gives you advice on the care of your lashes--Listen to her. After a close look at your lashes she will be able to advise which lengths and thicknesses are appropriate for your natural lashes. For instance, fine short lashes will not be able to hold onto thick, long lash extensions effectively. The weight can also cause the natural lashes they’re bonded to shed prematurely, which will give the appearance of damaged lashes. Fullness can be created by using other techniques like a stronger curl or volume lashes

3. Stay away from oil-based products

Avoid using oil-based products on or near your lashes--this includes everything from cleansers to make-up (unless its specifically made for use with lash extensions). Oil based products loosen the adhesive bond that holds your lashes in place. 

4. Don’t touch them

Treat them with care. Avoid touching them when possible-there is oil in your fingertips (see no. 3 above for more info on oil). Rubbing your eyes back and forth can cause trauma. Atsome point you will be rubbing in the opposite direction of the attachment. Sleeping on them is detrimental since the average adult human head weighs about 8lbs...just imagine what an 8lb weight could do to an eyelash extension and you'll understand why sleeping on them is not a good thing. Side note: Swimming and showering do not affect extensions unless you rub or pull them while they are still wet

5. Don’t pull them out

Don’t pick at your lash extensions. Pulling out extensions that are starting to grow out is counterproductive to what you're trying to achieve...It’s like plucking your brows - and they may not grow back-- Instead, gently sweep them into place with a clean lash brush and wait for your next fill in

Volume Lash Extensions 101

Semi-permanent eyelash extensions are a relatively new beauty trend that entered the United States around 2004. Since the launch of the eyelash industry, the art and materials used have expanded tremendously from classic individual lash extensions, to lashes with color, glam, length and now volume.

Volume Lash Extensions, or Russian Volume Lashes, differ from the traditional classic individual lashes in weight and in number. Classic individual lash extensions are one individual lash extension applied per individual natural lash. Volume lash extensions are two to nine lashes applied per individual natural lash. Volume lashes are also lighter and fluffier than Classic lashes, even though there are many more lashes. When properly applied, they produce the look of fullness, further enhancing the beauty of the eyes.

Volume lash extensions are particularly useful when natural lashes are missing, spread apart, or otherwise have a sparse appearance. This is because volume lashes are designed in a fan-like manner that not only give length, but also provides an appearance of fullness to even the thinnest of lash lines.

The initial application time for volume lashes can range from two to four hours, depending on the number of natural lashes, the volume being applied and, the experience of the technician applying them. Each volume lash is individually attached using a medical grade adhesive. With proper care, monthly refills can take between 45 to 120 minutes to apply. Volume lash materials include, but are not limited to, human hair, synthetic fiber, mink fur and fox fur. They also come in a variety of lengths.

Volume lash extensions are easily cared for and provide a 24/7 flawless, one of a kind look.

 

3D Brows & Microblading Basics

It doesn't matter if you like them arched and feathered or straight and bold, eyebrows are arguably the most important facial feature. If you're not satisfied with the ones you have, there are so many ways to update them, including brow gel, pencils, and even tattooing. But now there's a very natural option that delivers semi-permanent results. Ladies, 3D Volume Lash & Brow Studio would like to introduce you to microblading. Unlike the sometimes Sharpie-esque effects of permanent makeup, microblading is more of an embroidery ofstrokes that look just like real hairs.

Microblading is perfect for those who want to fully reconstruct, define, cover gaps, or fill-in over plucked brows. Those who just want to add a slight arch are also great candidates, and the results are a natural, undetectable fringe.

 

If you're still not sure how the technique differs from tattooing, during the microblading process we use a special microblading pen to draw on individual strokes one by one. It's an extremely meticulous process that takes around two hours to complete. Since the results will last for up to three years before beginning to fade it's good to know that your technician pays so much attention to detail. During the first hour the shape is drawn in with removable pencil. That’s the longest part and the most important step. During this time, the best customized shape for every client is chosen. It is not a rushed procedure and cannot be done in an hour.

Before the microblading begins, a topical numbing cream is applied to the area to minimize discomfort, followed by a liquid anesthetic. If you're worried that the process is painful, some clients may feel a slight discomfort, but it's relatively painless.

 

The best part about the technique is that there is no down time. Your new set of brows will be ready for a selfie immediately after the process. We do, however, recommend a follow-up 3 weeks to one month after your appointment. The healing process is different for everyone, and it takes between 21 and 30 days. After a month, a 40-minute touch-up may be recommended.

Unlike eyebrow extensions, which you have to be careful about maintaining, microblading is low maintenance. After healing, you can rub them and enjoy swimming. No special care is required, except for a brief touch-up once a year." The smudge-proof solution will cost you anywhere between $225 and $400. But waking up every morning with perfect brows may totally be worth it.

What if you could Wake up Made up EVERYDAY?

Wake Up Made Up...How much time would you save if you could Wake Up Made Up? I mean eyelashes--done! Eyebrows--done! Eyeliner--done! Lips--done! All you would have to do is one 45 minute maintenance session per month! How much time would you save in the mornings? Just think--you could go on vacation...swim all day and step out of the ocean looking just as fresh as you did when you got in--eyelashes looking great--eyeliner intact--lipstick inplace! Think of it: NO Smearing, NO running Everything right where it was when you woke up this morning and EVERY morning! Wouldn't that be great?