Look--I'm just saying...
Is there's ANYTHING romantic about poverty?
NO--So why would you even consider dating a broke guy?
.After last week’s post, I was warned to be careful of the things I write about, especially if it makes me come across as materialistic.
I am adamant about making a point with this particular post because it is an issue with many women. As women, we tend to be emotional and because of our innate sensitivities we often put the needs of others before our own--sometimes to our detriment. I am attempting to convey to women that dating a financially unstable man can be detrimental. This is a topic that needs to be discussed and so this is my opportunity to write in depth about the reasons why women should weed out broke guys from their dating pool.
When it comes to choosing a long-term partner, somehow society has determined it taboo for a woman to want to practice "dating up"--let alone write about it. Social media is full of various memes discouraging and shaming women into settling for guys who are always broke (and I'll give you one guess as to who's behind these memes--that's right--some "broke" guy). The logic being pushed is that broke guys are “nice” and that NICENESS should take priority in a woman’s decision for a partner but let me ask you, do guys date girls because they're "nice"? No......they do not and what's even more problematic are the stories of women dedicating their time and resources to support broke guys and then reaping the rewards in later years. The reasons for these stories are simply to romanticize the idea of poverty while ignoring the practical reasons why dating a broke man can be toxic for a woman.
Age and Relationship Goals
Unless you are dating solely for the sake of dating and your goal is to NOT be in a long-term commitment that will lead to building a family--you can go ahead and enjoy your Netflix and chill relationship dynamic BUT, for the rest of us, refusing to date a man who isn’t financially stable doesn’t necessarily make us materialistic...
In fact--it makes us practical.
Past the age of 21, the aim should be to choose a partner who can be a competent husband and father in the near future and fulfilling both of these roles requires financial responsibility so you should know that a broke guy having "swag" or being “nice” won't put a roof over your head or his.
Even for a financially “independent” woman, aiming to marry “up” is a necessity because marriage and parenthood can present barriers that will lower your personal income. Did you know that research has shown that married women earn less and those with children earn even less because they are assumed to be less career driven, and therefore less likely to be hired for top earning jobs or even considered for promotions. My thinking is that if marriage can be financially detrimental to a woman’s personal income--it just makes sense for her to aim to balance the inequality out by dating and marrying someone of better financial means--does that make sense?........ After all, men do not get pregnant and research has shown that, unlike women, married men earn relatively higher wages than their single counterparts. Additionally, marrying a financially stable man will give you the privilege of enjoying motherhood without being forced back to work 2 days after giving birth.
I think that if you avoid dating broke guys then you won’t fall in love with one and you definitely won't end up marrying one. Remember that, women set the tone in a relationship and love is a "choice". It is your duty to choose better not only for yourself but also for the sake of any children you may have.
Fact: A man who is in a position to contribute to your life has his ego boosted simply by being able to do so.
Whether its taking you out for dinner or treating you on your birthday, it makes him feel manly so......If your wondering why your relationships have NOT been what they should be it may be due to the fact that your partner's inability to do even minimal manly shit was putting a strain on your relationship simply because of his constant need for you to massage his ego so he doesn't feel emasculated. His lack of funds means that you're footing the bills and then tip toeing around in order not to bruise his ego. Once it begins, it becomes the norm for your relationship so now he feels ENTITLED to your help. You have been manipulated into believing that, YOU are the source of his change--YOU are the one who makes him a better man.....YOU are his "reason" for working hard to make something of himself....I call .bs and I bet he believes in "traditional" gender roles---right? Even if it only applies to you cooking, serving, and treating him like a “king”.....a king who lives in the castle where YOU pay most of the bills.
If your relationship is at this point, most likely it will never be about him providing for you because his definition of being a “man” is acting unnecessarily hyper-masculine in order to compensate for not doing actual manly shit--You see?
Netflix and Chill
If your guy is always broke, your relationship is pretty much confined to the four corners of your bedroom, his bedroom or worse yet his friends’ house or his mama’s house--unless you foot the bill. He seems stingy because he's always broke and his constant moaning about it must be the most unromantic thing ever and your "Netflix and chill" dates usually end with you being upset because you feel used and unappreciated, but yet the cycle continues.....
I think the biggest and most harmful problem with dating a broke guy is that YOU are setting the tone for how you will be treated in the relationship--THIS will be the standard you set for him to treat you--AND EVEN IF his financial status were to change--you've dug yourself into a hole...you will remain his low maintenance, low standards girlfriend and for every little effort he makes, YOU will be required to JUMP through hoops to show your appreciation; that is if he even bothers to make the effort. He will not be inspired to do better by you because you have shown him that he doesn’t have to.
You have proved to him with your basic standards that his presence is all that is required in the relationship
--EXPECT NOTHING TO CHANGE
Social media poverty/romantic stories would have women to believe that, if we struggle enough with a “nice” guy, we too will be rewarded. It remains, however, that past the age of 30, a man still struggling to “make it” in his mama’s basement has little chance of actually making it. If he happens to be among the 0.01% to turn their circumstances around, the truth of the matter is that chances are he will replace you with a woman with higher standards because now that he's made it--YOU remind him of the bad times. Your very presence now represents struggle because YOU have seen him at his lowest. It doesn't matter that you loved him at his worst. The point is that YOU will be a constant reminder of where he was at--rather than where he is in now that he's "made it". He will most likely want a woman who represents his new-found financial freedom and status without the historical baggage of struggling together.
It's a cold reality but that's how it works.
If you are lucky enough to enjoy the rewards of being the "hold me down chick", it will probably be because he feels sorry for you and is only keeping you so that he doesn’t have to live with the guilt of abandoning you. In which case, you become a charity case for all your hard work. Why would you even want that? Its just as easy to fall in love with a rich guy as it is a poor guy, in fact--its even easier.
Girl.....get yo' life.
I'm just saying......