"Self-hatred" is what makes you reject those relationships that you KNOW are good for you--in favor of relationships that you know are bad for you. Over and over.
"Self hatred" REFUSES to allow you to recognize love.
It blinds you to the fact that someone could love you because YOU hate YOU.
....so when love comes along--instead of seeing it for what it is, you see a set up...you become suspicious and angry and you use them to "get them first"....and if that doesn't run them off, you begin to act hateful towards them for no sane reason at all--but BECAUSE they love what you hate: you.
Eventually, the relationship you sabotaged ends....and you walk away relieved because you "knew" they never loved you in the first place, right?
.....then you regret it all later.